Stuff On My Desk – Godzilla in a Tube Top

Godzilla in a Tube Top
I know how it looks, but are YOU going to tell him?

I have stuff, and some of it is on my desk.

No, you’re eyes are not deceiving you, that is in fact Godzilla in a tube top. Gaze upon it and despair. Actually I think it’s some sort of wrist band, but around the office we’ve come to think of it as a tube top. Who would have thought The Big G could so easily pull off the trailer trash kaiju look? Or, for that matter, even that trailer trash kaiju was a thing.

There are a few different bits of Godzilla ephemera lurking around my workspace. This particular one reflects the “Millennium” era which includes Godzilla films produced between 1999 and 2004. I’m assuming this is how he looked between takes, when he wanted to relax a bit. Perhaps he would fill out the ensemble with a favorite pair of Daisy Dukes, a cigarette dangling from his lip, and a Diet Mr. Pib in his hand. If he’s comfortable with it, who am I to judge?

This, of course, brings up the question of Godzilla’s gender. The movies have given us a handful of Godzilla offspring over the years, but none of them have been articulate enough to use terms like “mom” or “dad.” The title character from 1967’s Son of Godzilla was known to blow radioactive smoke rings, which, while saying nothing about gender, demonstrates some pretty crappy parenting. The American Godzilla flick from 1998 had it’s star laying eggs, but as any kaiju fan can tell you, that guy was NOT Godzilla, demonstrated by his lack of radioactive breath and his complete inability to rock a tube top like the real King of the Monsters.

Curious about the other Stuff On My Desk? Click here.

Stuff on My Desk – Gummy Face

Creepy Gummy Face
Holy crap! Is that Peter Weller?

I have stuff, and some of it is on my desk.

The whole gummy thing puzzles me. The candy is OK, but it’s like a race to see who can sculpt it into the most unappealing shape. Gummy worms, gummy rats, gummy internal organs (not making that one up, friends). It’s like the candy companies took a meeting with every kid in the U.S. and said, “OK, you’re going to make your mom puke. What do you need from us?”

I know it’s hard to read in the picture, but this product is called a “Gummy Face.” Yeah, it’s meant to be eaten, making this the ideal snack for when you’re tripping balls on bath salts. It’s been sitting around my place of work for a few years now making the gradual transition from “gross but approved by the FDA” to “nope, that’s not getting anywhere near my mouth.”

This guy has never left his original packaging, not for fear that it would mar his collectability, but out of concern that whatever chemical reaction has been going on in there might launch the zombie apocalypse, albeit with a delicious fruit flavoring.

Curious about the other Stuff On My Desk? Click here.

Peter Weller as Robocop
No, wait, THAT”S Peter Weller.